For neurodivergent individuals, particularly those with ADHD, autism, or other conditions that impact executive functioning, routines can serve as a lifeline in an often chaotic world. While routines might feel restrictive to some, they are vital tools for providing predictability, reducing stress, and fostering independence. For moms raising neuro-spicy children, building and maintaining effective routines can help streamline daily life and empower their kids to thrive.

Understanding Executive Functioning

Executive functioning refers to the set of cognitive processes that enable us to plan, prioritize, organize, and execute tasks. These processes are essential for managing time, problem-solving, and controlling impulses. However, for neurodivergent individuals, executive functioning can feel like a malfunctioning GPS—guidance that works sporadically or not at all.

For instance, a child with ADHD may struggle with task initiation, leaving their homework untouched until a parent intervenes. A parent with executive functioning challenges might find themselves procrastinating on meal planning or forgetting critical steps in their daily routine. When both the parent and child are neurodivergent, these challenges can compound, making structure and support even more critical.

The Role of Routines

Routines act as external scaffolding for executive functioning. Instead of relying solely on memory or mental energy to navigate the day, routines provide a predictable framework that minimizes decision fatigue and ensures essential tasks are completed.

1. Establishing Predictability
   Neurodivergent brains often crave predictability. A clear morning routine—wake up, brush teeth, get dressed, eat breakfast—can help kids and parents alike transition smoothly into the day. Visual schedules or checklists can make these routines even more accessible, serving as a tangible reminder of what comes next.
   
   
2. Reducing Decision Fatigue
   Decision-making requires significant cognitive energy, which can be overwhelming for neurodivergent individuals. By automating parts of the day through routines, families can reserve their mental energy for more complex or meaningful tasks. For example, pre-planning meals or laying out clothes the night before eliminates unnecessary morning stress.
   
   
3. Building Independence
   Consistent routines help neurodivergent children develop independence. When children know what to expect and have visual or written reminders to guide them, they’re more likely to take ownership of their tasks. This not only boosts their confidence but also reduces the pressure on parents to micromanage.

Tips for Creating Sustainable Routines

Creating a routine that works for a neurodivergent household requires patience, flexibility, and creativity. Here are a few tips to get started:

1. Start Small
   Begin with one or two key routines, such as bedtime or mornings, before expanding to other areas. Trying to overhaul an entire day at once can be overwhelming.
   
   
2. Use Visual Aids
   Visual schedules, charts, or apps can be game-changers for neurodivergent families. Tools like time timers or sticky notes can help kids (and adults) stay on track and feel more in control.
   
   
3. Make It Flexible
   Life happens, and routines should have room for adjustments. Consider routines as a flexible framework rather than rigid rules, allowing space for creativity and spontaneity.
   
   
4. Involve the Whole Family
   When creating routines, involve your kids in the process. Ask for their input on what they think will work and make it a collaborative effort. When children feel heard, they’re more likely to stick with the plan.
   
   
5. Celebrate Successes
   Even small victories, like completing a morning routine without reminders, deserve recognition. Positive reinforcement can make routines feel rewarding rather than restrictive.

Common Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them

1. Overcomplicating the Routine
   Simplicity is key. A routine with too many steps or unnecessary complexity is harder to follow and sustain. Focus on the essentials and build gradually.
   
   
2. Ignoring Individual Needs
   Every neurodivergent brain is unique. A routine that works for one child may not work for another. Be willing to adapt and experiment to find what fits best.
   
   
3. Focusing on Perfection
   No routine is foolproof, and expecting perfection can lead to frustration. Instead, aim for consistency over perfection, and view setbacks as opportunities to learn and adjust.

Routines are not about rigidly controlling every moment of the day. Instead, they are a powerful tool for creating a sense of stability, fostering independence, and supporting executive functioning in neurodivergent families. By building routines that are flexible, accessible, and tailored to the unique needs of each family member, moms can reduce stress, empower their children, and reclaim time and energy for what matters most.

Sources:

1. Developing Child @ Harvard University
2. Reading Rockets
3. Insights of a Neurodivergent Clinician
4. Edutopia